1. Modern World History-Campeau
2. English-Warfield
3. Biology-Ames

so, its friday...and i made varsity soccer.  and im really just shocked, and i feel more guilty than i do happy because a lot of people deserved better. like...i have no idea why im the only freshman and why like kimmie isn't on varsity? or so many other people.  i feel for the people who didn't get put where the wanted or deserved to be put and i just hope that it turns out to be an amazing season for everyone on all the teams.  im going to have to work my fucking ass off to make this worth it...so it'll be a challenge.  im so happy and congratulations everyone! GO GENERALS!

she got that delayed entry post, bro.
just got back from the beach (mazinita 4 lyfe) with my family and natalie's family.  it was a bomb vacation, f the weather at the coast though.  i got to catch up with natalie...and i couldn't love her more.  its so weird to think about how much is going to change once we get to high school...in a lot of good ways and a few bad.  buthopefullyit'llbeallgoodnomatterwhat.
GAh! daily doubles start tomorrow, the 23rd...and im ridiculously nervous.  i just trashed myself this weekend by eating terrible foods! so tHATS good.

When you tried to kiss me
I only bit your tongue.
When you tried to get me together
I only came undone.
When you tried to tell me
The one for me was you,
I was in your mattress back in 1982.

Daria, I won't be soothed.
Daria, I won't be soothed over like,
Smoothed over like milk,
Silk, a bedspread, or a quilt,
Icing on a cake,
Or a serene translucent lake.
Daria, Daria, Daria,
I won't be soothed.
I won't be soothed.

When you tried to tell me
Of all the love you had,
I was cleaning oil from beaches
Seeing only what was bad.
When you tried to feed me
I only shut my mouth.
Food got on your apron
And you told me to get out.

Daria, I won't be soothed.
Daria, I won't be soothed over like,
Smoothed over like milk,
Silk, a bedspread, or a quilt,
Icing on a cake,
Or a serene translucent lake.
Daria, Daria, Daria,
Daria, Daria, Daria,
Daria, I won't be soothed.
I won't be soothed.

im so confused right now...i honestly have no idea whats going on.  sam and i kind of broke up last night, and it feels really weird.  i love sam more than i ever have, but being "together" wasn't really happening the right way.  i love being with him, i love kissing him, and holding his hand. i love how funny he is and how sweet he is every moment we're together.  i love his hair and his dimples! and i love it when he laughs really loud...and i love it when he says "intanet."  however, last night we both admitted to being seriously sketch when it comes to our realtionship.  its almost like we're different than usual when we hang out...not ourselves exactly.  i want good things to come out of this.  im not going to stop loving, because its impossible.  i hope he wont stop loving me...
i want us to be close in the ways boyfriends and girlfriends can't be.  we can be crazy together and have conversations about ANYTHING (serious stuff too.)
i've liked sam since 6th grade...in a really curious way like i wanted to know him better and i wanted to belong to him.  it took him a while to like me back...haha.  i asked him out a few times and he wasn't feeling it...but we finally got there...and we're going to keep going.  at least, that what i hope. 

 so
check
this one
out, bitches
i'm going to be
making a star this
time and hopefully
it will work out nicely
and be something pretty
to look at for all you gangbangers and such out there...or right here reading my
lovely blog.  my brother just got back from la pine today. he was filming a
movie with some other people who go to grant and directed by a guy
who goes to u of o i think.  my mom and my brother are down
in the basement, watching   some of the stuff charlie
filmed with his own camera for the documentary
i guess.  i was watching it but it got boring
too bad this star doesn't say anything
meaningful, or else this would actually be
pretty fucking awesome, eh?so im so excited
 for alexander's party.im just  mad that i havent
.partied at all this entire         summer...thats just so
 very sad to me.  here                        i  was going to be..
hitting it up every                                   night at the club y'
know? but oh                                                    well im still
having                                                                           a great
sum                                                                                      mer.

i hope that worked!
                                  

Alright, i don't know what the fuck is going on with me lately, but for some reason I feel like i should be saying goodbye to everything...I'll think of something that makes me happy, something that means everything to me and I'm thankful that I have it in my life.  but all at the same time I know how soon it'll be gone, and right now there is honestly no one I can talk to who understands.  fuck, this is the worst feeling ever.  I know I've got it pretty good...but I feel like I couldn't be less happy...what is going on with me? maybe it's that, starting high school is just making me think of the fact that in four years, everyone is going to go seperate ways and end up just like their parents.  fuck that!  time needs to slow down and i need to stop and figure shit out.  i feel like i need to be alone for a while...or i feel that i am alone and i wish i wasn't...i can't tell.  sam left today and isn't getting back till like thursday.  i miss him already a ton, but if he was here, im not so sure how different it'd be.  it feels like im slowly getting thrown out of the loop and everyone knows whats going on but me...he'd be happier with someone else because god knows that i don't have a fucking thing to offer.

                      im so confused                                   ...whats going on..
               i mean...i love someone...                   but its harder than hell to con          -nect the way i wish we did......               i can't name one thing about him that
      i don't love to death...but i just know      that he doesn't feel that way, i even bug
     myself when i'm with him.the words "i love you" are so easy to say.and i mean them
     im being completely honest when i tell him that i love him, because i do, i LOVE sam.
    im in love with that guy. but inside i feel like he deserves so much better.  and im not
     bashing myself, im not trying to get pity or do some subliminal cry for help.  no thats
      not what this is about.  with high school starting, im just more scared than i've ever
      been, and it feels so good to be able to say, my boyfriend's going to grant too!....
       but once we get there? then what? its not going to automatically turn in to some
        really advanced relationship where we're over at each other's houses 24/7.  its
          not going to instantly perfect.  the last thing i want is for sam and i to break
            up.  thats the last thing that i want, ever.  someone better is going to find
              him, and he's going to realize that im not really that special. and its the
                truth.i'd do anything for sam, but he doesn't need me to do anything                   i don't know what he needs, i don't know what he wants.     and  i 
                    cant just ask..becuase that doesn't make sense, its not the right
                      way to show him how much i really love him.i have absolutely
                        no idea how i could make things better, or different and by
                          simply talking like this, im making everthing worse.  not
                            that its bad!how can being in love be bad?  is this even
                               about love? or is it just about me knowing how i'll
                                 never last because im terrible in relationships?
                                   i think i know what i want...but i realy dont
                                     and im the most  jelous  person    alive
                                       yeah everyone's noticed that by now
                                          other people's opinions are pretty
                                            mucuh worthless in a time like
                                               this because they're never
                                                 what you wan them to
                                                    be, becuase you wa
                                                      nt them to agree
                                                        and they just
                                                              don't


i can't even explain how much its going to kill me when everything changes  
by talking about it am i making it worse?  or am i just bracing myself so its easier when it actually happens?



                                    

buuup.  derived from the term uh! 
meanings: 1. now THATS unusual
                2. that person looks wack etc.

pronounced like up or uh but significantly more dragged out and blunt.  (the p is silent...like the g is silent in kevin g's case.)
 

so anyway...i got back from europe last monday...more on everything later, sam jsut pointed out how i haven't done shit with this!  love you.   
-emma

so...this is how things are going.
slower. than. hell.
happy birthday america, and happy birthday hanna kay.
goodbye naomi, robin, natalie (for 3 fucking weeks i wont see you)
but, hello kali and hello europe!!
soon it'll be goodbye elizabeth, and janey and kali...we're leaving hanna behind.

Brntst27: taking smoke balls and like inhaling the smoke and making go back out your nose and its all like different coulors and it makes you dizzy
Brntst27: thats fun